IS A BALANCED LIFE REALISTIC?
SCIENCE OF SUCCESS
Dictionary: “Balance”
/ˈbaləns/noun
1.an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady.
Balance defined, so what does that tell us about whether or not a balanced life is a realistic pursuit, well nothing because most people don’t have a clue what they are talking about when they say they want “BALANCE” in their lives.
There is no way to know what matters to someone else or in other words we don’t know which life category is weighted more to whom.
Relationships
Careers
Finances
Travel
Exercise
Nutrition
Mindfulness
Altruism
These are just a few of the variables some of my life coaching clients say matter when it comes to living a balanced life, however, I don’t necessarily agree nor do I know whether or not they are wrong. I mean how do you know? Without foresight, how can you know what is going to ultimately matter most? Without this knowledge, how can anyone know what to pursue most and what to pursue least in order to maintain the appropriate “balance” throughout one’s life?
“Fortify Yourself with Contentment for this is an Impregnable Fortress.”
-Epictetus
So, what do I suggest to most of my clients? I suggest to adopt a mindset of contentment or another way to state it is in the voice of the stoics as “Amor Fati,” directly translated as a Love of Fate, but can better be understood as an acceptance of the outcomes regardless of whatever they are.
Does this mean you should quit trying and just accept everything as it is? Not at all. Not in any way, but you should let go of the outcome. Work hard. Pursue goodness. Pursue the best version of yourself, but let go of the idea of perfection or that things are going to work out exactly according to the “balanced” outcome you envision.
By all means attempt to workout everyday, eat healthy, have a date night planned weekly, plan to read a book a day, take a course to finish your degree, apply for a small business loan, cold call 50 prospects a day, or whatever you have determined will lead to a balanced life, but remember to not get too attached to a positive outcome. Tomorrow, you may be diagnosed with cancer, or lose your partner or spouse, and you may decide that the life you have pursued has been vacuous or wasteful.
The Secret
In the Book “The Secret,” we are encouraged by the author to do some variation of the following formula:
identify our deepest material and physical desires,
create the ideal imaginary situation in our mind in vivid or high-definition form, and
use positive thinking and affirmations
to ensure that the cosmos coordinate to conspire together in order to ensure that you obtain that glorious and fulfilling end result that you are imagining will fulfill you and make you Happy. In fact, no matter how hard you work, how well you plan, or how many affirmations one recites, you may fail and that may produce confusion and anger if you have not taken time to
Love Your Fate.
In other words, Why not spend time connecting to your deepest material and physical desires while also knowing that you can not control whether or not you actually ever accomplish the goals that you are intentionally pursuing? As you focus on obtaining or achieving Greatness or Success, it is powerful to embrace a Love of Fate and a sense of wonder when considering the variables and outcomes that you can not control and will inevitably be much different than the clear and vivid future that you have been planning in your own mind.
As you embrace and fall in love with the fate that is unraveling all around you, you will be able to identify more positive resources at your disposal and you will be able to ignore the negative emotions which become attached to the constants that seem to be stacked against you. If you begin to be in Love with whatever Fate decides to deliver, you will be able to deal with life’s unfortunate roller coaster. We can not control Failure & Success ultimately, even if we can give ourselves the best possible position to achieve our desired outcomes, but we can control how we feel about our Future, Fate, or Fulfillment.
Love Your Fate | Amor Fati
The concept of amor fati has been linked to Epictetus.[2] It has also been linked to the writings of Marcus Aurelius,[3] who did not himself use the words (he wrote in Greek, not Latin).[4]
The phrase is used repeatedly in Nietzsche’s writings and is representative of the general outlook on life that he articulates. . .
We can learn much from studying the life of some of the ancient philosophers and stoics such as Epictetus. Most of my readers who have followed my journey, know that I draw much of my inspiration from the way these ancient stoics thought, even if they lived in a morally deplorable era. For instance, Epictetus, it is believed, was a slave in Greece & was maimed by having his leg broken by a master. It is unknown to this author by what means Epictetus earned his sovereignty and freedom, however, it is historically thought to have been the case. This former slave told of methods by which a person could obtain more internal emotional control. “Amor Fati” is one such method of Stoic Reframing.
What do I mean by inserting this cryptic language pattern “Love of Fate” or phrase into an article meant to empower you to Be Your Own Hero? I mean to empower you to not be affected by your perception of outcomes. In fact, we can’t know whether the first attempt at achieving your goals might not be the very failure that you need in order to be prepared to be successful at another goal further down the road. You don’t know that being burned or turned down on one occasion might lead to avoiding a similar situation in the future; we just can’t know. Therefore, we should all Love the Journey & keep trying to achieve goals with reasonable expectations and highest of hopes.
Conclusion
Love of Fate is about reserving our judgement of a situation, behavior, or circumstance and only responding in the most rational and objective ways to produce the ideal outcomes AND emotional attachments to circumstances.
Favorite quote - “Balance Is Not Better Time Management, But Better Boundary Management. Balance Means Making Choices And Enjoying Those Choices.”
